I dont really know what to putin these blogs, but for a long time i've needed to vent and tell random people my feelings but that's not....normal. What to say about me? Hmmm well ill start with that i grew up in a christian home and i went to church every sunday and it didnt become real for me until around two years ago when i went through a rough patch in my life. When i was younger i went toa private christian school that was extremely small like tweenty people in the whole school small. I knowits crazy right? There i didnt learn any social or street skills so ive always been a little..awkward. i got bullied physically and mentally really badly and the guy i really liked, bullied me the worse. Everyday he would tell me i was ugly and useless. Now, you have to understand those years were awkward and i was not cute at all!i had glasses crooked teeth and acne. I was also always told i was really fat but in reality i was actually really skinny so i starved myself amd i wantted to throwup what i ate but i couldn't because i have no gag reflex. I finally got outof the bad situation after a couple of years but the scars were fresh and i got hurt easily. i homeschooled the next year and during that year i didnt realize it but i gained 30 pounds because i went the opposite way....eating all the time...all junk food. Then last year my freshman year i went to a small but bigger then my old school charter school. I started recovering from everything, made friends, started becoming more social and realized i was actually kinda smart. The year was going great until a girl completed suicide at our school. I rocked my world, and not in a good way. Until then i never knew that suicide was so prevalent and the extremities of it.During that time i fell in love and i also fell out of love...and it was hard. All these things were new to me and i hadnt even talked to boys before this. I couldnt really handle any of it my feelings were out of wack. I still believe this was due to the extreme conservative up bringing i have. I didnt handle this well at all, i went back into ,y bad habits eating wayy to much.i did a littoe better in the summmer. At the end of the su,,er though, i had lots of suicidal thoughts and one day i got really mad at my mom and i told her i was goimg to kill myself. I went for a run and i remember vivdly that i stoped because i couldnt go any farther and i was lost, physically amd mentally. After many hours of wandering sitting and crying i went home and saw a bottle of pills...i overdosed. Thankfully i did mot succed. The reason that i am alive today is because of Jesus. Truthfully. I am doing better and trying to progress to become my best. Thank you for whoever read this far amd i know it was probably grueling!i dont want sympathy because i know that there are so many more people goimg through worse, i just needed to vent :)